IT’S MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION(AND I’M STICKING WITH IT)
It’s that time of year again and the New Year’s resolutions come out thick and fast. It’s part of Christmas and its part of tradition. I suppose that is one of the reasons why we indulge in making new resolutions for the forth- coming year. The Inevitable subject raises its ugly head after our traditional overindulgence; in food, drink, material obsession, and excessive behaviour. I don’t claim that this is the behaviour of everyone but in most cases, the majority will use this period as an acceptable excuse to commence and engage: the herd mentality comes to mind and I am no different from the rest. Like the man in front of the running bulls who cries “Stop” I am carried in the wave that ensues, only to succumb to the frenzy and the rush to the finishing line. The 25th of December of each year
Feeling somewhat remorseful for having capitulating on the previous year’s resolutions, I am determined to make amends for the coming one.
How do I overcome my weak resolve? Where did I go wrong last year? How can I make it work this time? These are just some the questions that are overloading my already overactive and fragile brain, with the New Year fast approaching I have to make up my mind fast; I have to be quick and decisive and formulate my master plan. My mistake in making my resolutions for the previous year were; too many resolutions, and telling too many people about them, two people come to mind, two people that caused me to suffer humiliation and embarrassment: Paddy Kelly the local but likable neighbour who makes sure that personal news becomes public news.
“I thought you were going jogging today Mick? Or has that gone by the wayside”
“No Paddy, I sprained my ankle” Nosy bastard.
My dear beloved wife is the other person; she takes great delight in casting up, and I firmly believe that she was a member of the Spanish Inquisition in a previous life. She is a formidable lady and when armed with ammunition, she is lethal.
“I thought you were giving that up” she says in an underhanded off the cuff remark
“Well there’s a genuine reason” I start to say before being cut off…
She nods in that condescending way “I thought as much”
Needless to say these are two people I won’t be sharing my New Year’s resolutions with, but you do have to share them with someone don’t you? I mean to say; what’s the point in making them if nobody knows the personal sacrifices one makes, who would know if you actually carried out your noble resolutions… you see there’s my argument. So you have to tell someone and that’s where I had a brain storm
I decided to write down my noble and aspiring resolutions on a sheet of paper, five in all, which I then preceded to put in an envelope and seal with date and proof. On the envelope I printed the name of a dear and lovable neighbour Mrs Kennedy. My plan of action is to ask Mrs Kennedy to hold on to letter for me until next Christmas. After collecting the letter I could either proudly boast of my supreme efforts or secretly destroy the evidence should I falter along the way, my reputation would be enhanced and applauded for my supreme effort or at least nobody would any the wiser should I fail.
It’s the day before New Year’s. Time to deliver my letter to Mrs Kennedy; as I approach her door, I am suddenly gripped by a surge of anxiety. The dear old lady is eighty nine years of age; God forbid, but if she were to die during the year; worst still, what would her next of kin think of the letter upon finding it; would they perhaps think that the letter was Mrs Kennedy last will and testament. My imagination is running wild, I can see the scene, the solicitor’s office is full; the solicitor opens the letter with a paper knife.
All eyes are on him as he extracts the folded piece of white paper, he begins to read…(To whom it concerns, I Michael McMullen do solemnly swear that I shall endeavour to carry out all my New Year’s resolutions to the best of my ability) one: I shall give up white bread. Two: I shall eat no more fries. Three: …
The Kennedy brood are not happy, and are looking at each other with murder in their hearts with yours truly in-mind; and believe you-me, you don’t want to meet any of these beastly men on a dark night, especially if they thought I had anything to with the old-dear departing this life sooner rather than later. There are of course other complications to consider such as; retrieving the letter once it is handed over, and how would I explain a returned letter in the event of Mrs Kennedy’s death to my wife? These scenarios were getting the better of me, and so I have come to the conclusion that the best thing to do is to make one resolution and that is to make none.
Michael Mullins © 10/01/2012
The Source Writers Group