Mr Benjamin Murphy
25 Golden Vale Road Ballymore,
11 May 2012
Reference: Your enquiry about the Astra deluxe model
Dear Mr Murphy
Dear sir it has come to our attention, that the cheque that you have sent us, and might I remind you “the car of your dreams” is one of a rather peculiar kind; namely the type and the kind that is made of rubber. You may or not know that the sales person that thought he had sold you the car is in a distraught condition; two reasons have brought about his present state: the first is that he has lost what he thought was to be his commission, and the second is that he has been sacked. When last we heard of him he was looking for revenge for the (fucker who cost him his job) namely you.
As you will no doubt have realised by now you “Neanderthal Retard” this once beautiful country of ours is now (bollock’s beyond all measure of recognition) and it is due to the likes of incompetent arse-holes like yourself. Should you ever think of darkening our doors again, you shall be met by a hanging committee. Do feel free to drop in any time and we shall be glad to facilitate your exit from this world into the next.
You will find enclosed a leaflet; with the price of some second-hand bikes, and it is in our considered opinion that even this mode of transport is too good for you.
Michael Mullins © 2012
The Source Writers Group