In the haze of my drug-induced state, I could clearly see the pale faced child, tentacles of curls encasing his small elf like face.  Head bent in concentration colouring in his assigned project.

Knees uncomfortable, pushed up against the bottom of the small school desk, (did the authorities think we would never grow up).  The echo from footsteps stopped!  Miss Dray’s voice seemed a long way off her words barely audible.    “Benjamin your colours are excellent very well chosen, only try and keep your colouring inside the borders. The comment went completely over my head I was lost in my project.  I developed a self-induced deafness at the mention of boundaries or borders or limitation’s. My inspiration, my daydreaming always ignited by colours, by the challenge to complete a project in a different way.

Game boy three dimensional games images so real the line between human and imaginary becomes blurred. Young scientist competitions challenged me to pushing past the logic and making dreams my reality.Internet apps made me a rich man, never realised how much I had acquired until my last will and testament was drawn up.  The hardest part of success was tearing apart the walls that were put up against my dreams . Once the money came, dreams become easier to achieve.  Now, I lie here hooked up to pain medication allowing me to dream my way into death.

I thank the big guy in the sky for my gifts.  Daydreams solidified into reality.   Reality now played in my subconscious.  Images of faces I know appearing, taking a last look. No smiles just a quick look and the next face appears so clear I can see the colour of their eyes.  My subconscious goodbye to all.   The best part of my life saved to the last, carefully stored in my memory banks marked good.

Tianna, we bonded at college, my perfect partner in every way.  We ran with the waves chasing our ankles, laughing like children in the summer night.  Her pert shaped bottom emulated by the moonlight. My man hood fully aroused as I chased Tianna, her golden curls joining in the laugher dancing on her slender shoulders.  Our isolated island bungalow gave us great joy. We sated our lust and lay entwined in our outdoor hot tub, contentedly looking up at the velvet black sky and the vast array of stars with the moon thrown her light across the tub for good measure.

Gone, vanished, taken away her car failed to take a bend on the same type of starry night.    How could two nights be so different? One heaven. One hell.

Steps to heaven or avoiding the continuing rage of hell fires, a pararell with the life I have been living.

Whichever new address I end.  Looks as if boundaries will be well and truly drawn for me.     Fantastic as the tunnel light of life narrows’ I can still see Tianna’s cute little bottom clearly as the pinprick of life’s light disappears.

Rosemary O’Shea © 2014




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